Turning the IMpossible to the IAMPossible!

Mindset is such an important aspect of success.

How we think about situations, people, our interests, other people's motivators impacts how we deal with situations and people.

What we believe about people, situations, our interests and the interests of others impacts the results we see.

Making the SHIFT in perspective is not always easy, but, it can bring about a completely different result!

Many years ago when I was a corporate mediator, I had the opportunity to see how a change in mindset brought about a change in outcomes (for the better or worse, depending on the mindset).

Take Jo and Sally. Two colleagues who worked together for many years or "toooooo long" as Sally often whispered under her breath (just loud enough for colleagues to hear).  Sally was the more seasoned employee of the two and had worked at the company for many years, in many different roles. Jo was in her fifth year of this career, and only her second year with this company.  She was excited about her career and the impact she could make in the world. To Jo's excitement, Sally often responded with comments like "been there done that!" or "give it another year, you'll see the light of day" or "must be nice to have rose colored glasses on all the time" and... "if you have been around as long as me you'll learn to put in your time ad keep quiet."  Jo found her energy drained in the presence of Sally.  Instead of seeing Sally as a downer, negative or passion squasher, she chose to see Sally as a skilled professional she could learn from.  When Jo announced this in the meeting, Sally's body language changed as did her tone and language. She began to act like the role model Jo chose to see her as.  Sally in her own mind had decided people see her as negative, and difficult, so she acted this way.  When someone changed the perspective and looked at her through a different lense, it was harder for her to be negative.

Does this work every time?
No.

Will changing how you see people result in them changing how they act?
No.

Then why make the shift?

There are many reasons.... your energy remains more positive, you may bring about a change in time, it is easier to work with people you believe are good in their intentions... then negative and out to get you. Coming from a place of respect and hope is a much easier approach to life then coming from a place of despair, distrust and dislike.  What you think about others is often a reflection of yourself.

How can you change your mindset to bring about a better outcome?

1)  Frame your day- everyday I choose the type of day I intend to have, how I will interact with others, the difference I will make, and, my attitude. 
2) Check in with yourself- when you get annoyed or emotional about something outside your control or influence, ask yourself where the emotion is coming from?
3) Decide in advance how you choose to communicate with others- if you are doing into a meeting choose either a "difficult conversation" or a "respectful resolution based conversation".  Your choice impacts your words, how you show up and the results you achieve.
4) Remember- proving others wrong doesn't make you right.
5) Communicate with courage, clarity and compassion.  I call this clean, drama free dialogue. 

You can find out more of my tips, just like the ones above, in my book Bounce Forward (available through www.TheOriginalTeamToby.com

Bring the power of change to your organization or event by having Charmaine appear at your conference, convention or seminar.  She speaks on the topics of Courageous Dialogue, Turning Confrontations to Conversations, Bounce Forward-building inspired and resilient teams.   www.charmainehammond.com

Courageous Dialogue - not rocket science

When speaking at a Safety Conference recently I summed up Courageous Dialogue in this way…”Courageous Dialogue is the conversations that matter most and are mostly avoided. To communicate courageously we must realize it is not rocket science, but there is a bit of an art form to it.  We must get back to basics, do five things well and consistently to communicate courageously.”

The Basics Are:

1.    Speak with respect

·         Respectful and courteous communication

·         Wherever possible face to face or by phone (texting and emails only lead to bigger problems)

·         The skill of integrity and honesty

2.    Speak with clarity, confidence and credibility

·         Say what you mean (and mean what you say)

·         Remember that words are like tossing a pebble in the river (you never how they will land and how big a ripple they will make), choose your words carefully.

·         When you speak confidently and with credibility, people listen better

3.    Prepare

•       Jot some point form notes down (of what you would like to say)
•    Practice your side of the conversation
•      Avoid assumptions
•      Get the information you need (e.g. facts)
•      Work on leaving the past in the past

4.    Turn reactions to a response

•                 Manage your emotions
•                 If it feels like a trigger button has been pushed…breath, think before speaking and count to three in   your head, this will help your response be less of an emotional “push back”
•                  Instead of judgment try being curious (I wonder why the person just said this) and ask a question

5.    Have a mindset of communication success

•              Use affirmative language
•              Be hopeful and willing to discuss (and resolve)
•               Use powerful I AM statements (I am skilled, I am confident, I am looking forward to an opportunity to share our perspectives, I am willing to resolve, I am able to listen actively, I am clear in my communication).

Unfortunately, many people spend more time thinking about what to have for dinner, where to go on the weekend and what to wear to work, than they do preparing for the conversations that matter most. Lack of preparation is at the root of many conversations that have fallen off the tracks or where people are emotionally hurt. Let’s be clear…worrying, obsessing and gossip are not preparation. I hope these five basics help you prepare for your next courageous dialogue.