Words that Move You to ACTION

Recently I was watching television and caught the tail end of a powerful statement, I wish I knew who to credit for his/her brilliance. The statement was  “Settle the past. Engage the present and believe in the future.”

WOW. What an insight.   

I flew out of my chair to find a pen. 

Throughout the evening I found myself reflecting on this statement and the power of the words which moved me to action. To bounce forward, that is to be resilient, you must be able to settle the past, be engaged in the present and have belief in the future. That doesn’t however mean this is a simple task.

For many years in an earlier career I was a Correctional Officer (yup that’s right! A Correctional Officer), and I remember thinking how many inmates (even some staff) were plagued by their past, struggling in their present and had no belief in their future. Years later as a mediator, I often mediated situations of family conflict, and the past always came up. Instead of being engaged in the present, many were still both feet in the past. Because of this, it was difficult for them to believe in the future. As a former mediator in workplace situations I saw this same challenge, people championing the problems of the past causing them to disengage and be present.

Here are some simple tips to Settle the Past:

-       Listen to your story. Everyone has stories of the past that come up in conversation. When you tell the story, are you “detached” from it, or do you find yourself with both feet back in the moment? A good way to tell is your emotional state when you tell the story. And, pay attention to these stories that run through your thoughts. The great news is that you can change your story. 

-       Decide to forgive. Look at the situations, disappointments and unresolved issues that are weighing you down. You may not be able to fix or resolve the past, it has already happened, but, you can forgive or resolve for the future. And, forgive yourself for mistakes you have made that you continue to self blame.

-       Give up blaming. Blaming seems to increase the emotional state and can certainly damage relationships. Look at what is within your control to fix and what is not, and put your attention and action on what you can control.

-       Reframe and change your language. Instead of saying “I regret not making things right with my supervisor” say “I look forward to righting situations and conflicts if they arise”.

What do you need to settle from the past to move forward?

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Forgiving the unimaginable... the choice is yours.

A little girl who was in audience at a school presentation I did last year answered this to the question of where forgiveness comes from: “It comes from in my heart!” and she touched her heart with her hand. Besides absolutely melting in that moment, I was reminded about how simple the concept is for children, and how they identify this action of forgiveness with a place in their body, and an emotion to match.

Azim Khmaisa spoke about forgiveness in an equally emotive and compelling manner. I had the opportunity to interview Azim on my Corporate Conversations Radio Show, you can listen in here (Azim’s interview is in the last 30 minutes of the show):

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/charmainehammond/2012/06/06/guests-tara-marie-segundo-and-azim-khamisa


Sadly, the unimaginable, every parent's nightmare happened. Azim’s teenage son was murdered by another teen, a tragedy that most families would struggle to move beyond. The pain and loss his family experienced is almost unimaginable for me. Through forgiveness, Azim said that this tragedy has made him a better person in that he has a deeper sense of peace. Forgiveness allowed Azim to pursue an important global mission, which is to make certain that no father, grandfather, friend or family has to ever experience what they have. His mission has helped him find peace and make a difference in the lives of tens of thousands of people.

In talking about how forgiveness works, and how he was able to forgive the young man who took his son’s life, Azim explained that forgiveness beings with first understanding forgiveness. It is not about condoning a person’s behaviour. The other choice would be to stay in anger, and resentment which is really a form of self abuse. And, as Azim explained, would not provide any quality of life. Instead, Azim chose to forgive his son’s murderer and in a sense it freed Azim to live.

Azim is on a mission to stop violence, and the cycle of violence that our society is so plagued with, and helping him with this mission is the grandfather of the boy (who is now a man) who took his son’s life. Forgiveness really has two components, forgiveness of self, and forgiveness of others. Azim explained that there is great need to explore forgiveness in the workplace, not only in family or community.

Azim visits workplaces to speak about forgiveness and what he calls Compassionate Confrontation, similar to what I describe as Courageous Dialogue. Compassionate Confrontation involves five questions:

1. What happened? This question is about acknowledgement.

2. What were your thoughts and feelings when it happened? This helps the person process his/her anger.

3. What are your thoughts and feelings now?

4. Who was harmed and why?

5. How do we make it better? This question is about opportunity



Take a look around in your team, and within yourself. What situations require forgiveness and closure? How can you take the lead in forgiving to move forward? How could Azim’s five questions help you explore resolution and ensuring that similar challenges to the one you are reflecting upon, do not occur again?

The Business of Forgiveness...

“I am SO sorry.” “I can’t believe I forgot, so sorry!” “Didn’t mean to let you down.” “It will never happen again.” “My bad.”  “So sorry to be late, traffic was awful, car wouldn’t start, got here no parking! What a start to the day.”  How many times have you said this or heard these statements? A simple, clear and clean apology without all the  drama is the better way of asking for forgiveness and owning a mistake in the workplace. It sounds like this “Please forgive me for being late,” said Shawne Duperon, media expert and creator of Project Forgive (www.projectforgive.com).

I had the pleasure of interviewing Shawne Duperon, and Deborah Welch, an expert and author on the topic of forgiveness in the workplace.  Deborah so eloquently described forgiveness as the process of moving through grief, instead of suffering, blaming oneself or others.  Forgiveness results in freedom.

Deborah talked with such passion about the importance of stories; in fact, she has been collecting stories of forgiveness for almost three decades.  Stories are a powerful form of communication and trust building.  She shared her story, one that involved a traumatic loss. She explained that the journey for forgiveness, forgiving self or others, is different for each person.  Through her journey to forgive herself, the puzzle pieces began to fit together, and in letting go and forgiving, life opened up.

The benefits to a workplace culture that embraces forgiveness are many, but at the top of the list are:

• -          Improved relationships
• -          Increased trust
• -          Reduced stress, guilt, suffering and pain
• -          Greater sense of synergy
• -          Safety to learn and grow

Deborah and Shawne offered a variety of tips to foster a culture of forgiveness at work, these are my personal favorites:

-          Start the conversation. Create a culture whereby vulnerable conversations can take place, where team members and leaders can talk about their mistakes, and grow through them. 

-          Silence the unhelpful, negative and self defeating chatter in our minds.

-          Use clean and clear statements of apology (or drama free statements)

-          Breathe, take time to process the situation before reacting on an emotional level

Children get the concept of forgiveness, to them it is simple, or as Shawne would say, it is clean.  Take five minutes to watch this video; you’ll see what I mean.  www.projectforgive.com

To find out more about Deborah Welch, and her phenomenal book  FORGIVENESS AT WORK: Stories of the Power, Possibility, and Practice of Forgiveness in the Workplace , visit:

http://www.reflective-leadership.com/about.htm

And you can learn more about Shawne at www.shawnetv.com

How You Show up is Everything!

My friend, and media coach, Shawne Duperon is an expert at helping people refine their message, manage their fear, and get more publicity. Shawne says “People do business with people they like. People buy from people they like. People talk about people and services they like. People post and tag people they like on Facebook. People re-tweet people they like. Reporters cover stories over and over again with people they like. Word-of-mouth epidemics build momentum when you leverage your marketing strategies and SEO with social media, video and media coverage.” 

There is a quote that says people won’t remember the exact words that you said, but they will remember how you left them feeling. That is so important in terms of working with the media, communicating with others, and in the process of forgiveness. Blaming yourself or others after a mistake, hanging onto it for years, or avoiding opportunities for fear of making the same mistake will not help your business grow and certainly won’t help you build meaningful connections.  Forgiveness is key… to forgive yourself, and others.

For most of my adult life I was a perfectionist, now I say that I am a recovering perfectionist. Becoming comfortable with vulnerability and taking risks, making mistakes, taking responsibility, and moving forward was probably one of my biggest learning curves, however, the ripple effects of results was well worth the work. 

One of my clients, a leader in a big organization summed it up so well…. “When you have a hard time acknowledging mistakes, those around you will struggle as well. As a leader, we need to create an environment whereby our team members can acknowledge their mistake, learn and grow from it and move forward. Otherwise, the risk is that leaders don’t hear of the mistake until it has become a crisis.” I thought this was wise advice.

Another great way to learn from  Shawne Duperon, and to sign up for her webinar. I have participated in this webinar several times and have learned a great deal that has helped me excel with media.  Set aside an hour starting at 4:00 PM  April 12, 2012 to participate in:

What Are You Broadcasting? The Business of Marketing Forgiveness

Ready to land more social media buzz, free publicity and media exposure for your business, non-profit or even your career?

Are you tired of:

• Watching your competitors thrive when you have a BETTER product, service or mission?
• Spending a ton of money for nothing?
• Struggling to move on in your marketing because of really dumb mistakes?

Then this media marketing webinar is for you – and it’s like no other. The game is to forgive yourself quickly after taking business risks that didn’t work while stepping into marketing actions that have you thrive.  I hope you will participate in this webinar, the investment is only $27 and 100% of that goes to supporting Project Forgive.

http://shawnetv.com/attend-an-event/4-18-12-webinar

In February I got the chance to interview my media coach, Shawne, how fun.  The best part was that I applied everything I had learned from her.  You can listen to Shawne Duperon talk about being a rockstar when you are being interviewed by the media, and she also offers some great tips to manage nervousness, and communicate clearly with confidence!  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/charmainehammond/2012/02/22/guests-marilyn-suttle-and-shawne-duperon

Project Forgive:  http://shawnetv.com/attend-an-event/4-12-12-webinar

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/330494084/project-forgive