Workplace Boundaries- can solve conflict and improve communcation

Boundaries are an essential part of building healthy relationships, however, having unclear boundaries can create a number of challenges.  Sharon Sayler was a guest on my Conversations with Charmaine Radio Show and we talked about boundaries, communication and the art of saying no. 

Sharon talked about boundaries in the workplace, and that “loose” boundaries can demonstrate a lack of respect for each other. It can create confusion and sometimes unwanted behaviors because the boundaries weren’t clear.  Clear and healthy boundaries result in everyone knowing the framework for relationships and communication, and can actually be preventative.

Here is the link to our discussion so you can listen to the great tips shared by Sharon:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/charmainehammond/2013/05/08/guests-monika-burwise-and-sharon-sayler

Communication is a challenge that many teams face… and Sharon reminded us that men and women do communicate differently on some levels.  For example, their language is different, women will often use the term “issue or challenge” whereas men may refer to this as “problem.”  Language can impact how we listen to others, interpret their message, and, what with do with what we hear. 

Sharon talked about saying no…without guilt.  “When you don’t know the value of saying yes, you won’t know the value of saying no”, what a powerful statement this is. It reminds us to think carefully about our choices and to know that conflict sometimes surfaces when you dodge the “no.”

Here are a few tips to help with boundaries.

First, differentiate between a “need” and a “want.”  Take the conversation to the “need” level, this is where you begin to really understand a person’s underlying interests and motivators. Then ensure you minimize assumptions and the “they should have known” statements.  

Second, if someone's behavior, actions or communication is bothering you, provide them with respectful feedback. People can't change their actions if they don't know there is a problem. 

Third, practice the art of saying no. Say no to little requests to start. If you say YES to everything, there is no time or energy to do the things you really want.

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Um's, Ya Know's, So and I go.... communication distractors

Are your Ums, I thinks, Ya Knows, I Go, and Sos A Distraction? 

The short answer is YES!!!

 Communication has both an art and a science to it.   The Goal of Communication?  To be understood.

There is the art of speaking clearly, confidently and competently, and the science of the listening and speaking process. Put the two together and there is ample room for miscommunication, distractions, and lack of understanding.  Communication, although something we do all day long, is one of the most challenging skills.

When you are :in your head" and/or nervous there is a tendency to fill space and time with Um's, Ya Know, So, Like, I Thinks... to name a few. Often people combine these phrases.... "Um....Well Ya Know... Like...." The challenge is that the listener often focuses on these fillers instead of the true content. These when repeated are a definite distraction in communication, and perhaps even frustration.

Remember... slowing down, and silence are okay!

Here are a few tips to remove distractions from communication.:

• Choose your words (including the fillers), once they are out there - they are out there.
• When you are in your head (and notice the filler words coming out), simply breathe, slow down and when the urge to say Um, Ah, Like, Ya Know, So, etc arises smile and breathe.  
• Prepare your words. Practice your words.
• Remove other distractions (e.g. technology) as sometimes these filler words are used to buy time while you are remembering what the person just said before you got distracted.

 Wishing you a great week of clear communication.

Don't buy your ticket for the burnout train

How you manage stress on a day to day basis can save you a ticket on the burn out train, stated Dr. Ganz Ferrance, my guest on a recent webinar that I emceed for Economic Developers Alberta.

Dr. Ganz Ferrance holds a PhD in Psychology and has been helping individuals, families, couples and organizations reduce their stress, improve their relationships and enjoy more success for over 20 years.

The first step to dealing with stress is recognizing it, and according to Dr. Ganz, this requires us to actually step back, not react and assess the situation and recognize it's impact on us.  Managing stress requires people to be self aware. 

Dr. Ganz offered a few practical tips to manage stress:
1.  Journal- write down your stressors, a summary of the day, or simply vent.
2. Take mini vacations- sit in your car and take 10 breaths before going into the office, or into the house after a day at work.  This helps you detach.  Rituals such as this can be powerful stress reducers.
3. Avoid taking work home.
4. Take breaks during the day (lunch, coffee, get some fresh air). Take a technology break by unplugging, and avoid checking emails before bed.  Doing this will result in a more restful sleep.
5. Understand the law of diminishing factors- the longer you stay at an activity, the less productive or efficient you are. So, take a break every 30 minutes or so. You'll have more energy, increased focus and the results will be more favourable!

Here are some tips to improve team relations and productivity during stress and change in the workplace:
1.  Take breaks- this is a great way for you to connect with your colleagues.
2. Ensure that roles and responsibilities are clear, and understood in the team.
3. Change can be tiring. Build your team, nurture the team and resolve issues, to reduce change fatigue. 
4. Communicate effectively, respectfully and frequently.


To register for upcoming webinars with the Economic Developers Alberta, visit www.edalberta.ca

How you end one conversation impacts how you start the next one

Communication can be one of the most important yet challenging skills. 

There are so many dynamics that influence communication, such as:

• Your frame of mind or mood
•  Relationship with the person you are speaking to, and past history
•  Assumptions
•  Language barriers
• Where the communication takes place
•  How the dialogue occurs (face to face, email, texting, etc.)
• Ability to listen effectively
•  Distractions (people, noises, location, technology, time, etc.)

And these are just a few of the many influences. 

Communication is an active process, one that involves listening, processing and speaking. Sometimes people combine two processes simultaneously, such as speaking while trying to listen.

I have always believed that beginnings and endings are so important, and that this concept applies to communication as well. How you begin a dialogue impacts the rest of the communication, how people hear your message, what assumptions they draw about your or your perspective, etc. Similarly, how you end a conversation will impact the next dialogue you enter into. 

Take this example....Mary had just left a stressful staff meeting where issues were left open, and people quickly retreated to their offices to have the “meeting after the meeting”. The tension in the air was thick, issues needed resolution and the team just talked around them. Irritated and stressed, she went into a meeting with a client. Her greeting was edgy, and almost off-putting. The frame of mind she left the staff meeting with was the one she brought into her client dialogue. Needless to say Jack the client noticed and the conversation took an awkward turn. Looking at his watch several times (and Mary who was generally very self-aware and present did not noticed), he stated they could perhaps pick up the conversation in a couple of days when he was back in town and had more time.

So, take some time to create clear, collaborative, compassionate and clean endings in your conversations, so you begin the next one in the same way.  Allow yourself a short transition between conversations. Remember to breathe. Imagine leaving one conversation at the door as you enter the next one. 

For more information on communication, contact us about Bounce Forward- building  resilient inspired and teams book and workshops.  www.charmainehammond.com

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