Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Do Over

I had the opportunity to be interviewed by Dr. Mike on The SPAA (Speak For Yourself) show and we had a great conversation about Courageous Dialogue and Bouncing Forward.
Dr.  Mike asked a great question about how to communicate without getting defensive and how to handle a conversation you are not happy with after the fact. I explained these types of situations are perfect for The “Do Over” (in my presentations I refer to this as the Mulligan). When you are not happy with how your words landed with the other person, you can do a “do over.” Simply be honest and integral and own what you said then let the person know that you would like to make another attempt or to express what you wished you had said first time round. In my experience, I have found that the other person appreciates your integrity, and listens to your reframed statement. Recently I had the chance to do a mulligan; I was not feeling great about how something had landed with a family member. I took opportunity to do a “do over”, the family member didn’t recall the conversation I was referring to (it was not an issue for that person), however, I felt much better after reframing the conversation.  It reminds me of that quote “people will not remember what you said but will remember how you made them feel.”
On the show I also talked about the delicate balance between avoiding the conversations that matter most, and not coming across to reactionary or combative in the dialogue. A few tips to avoiding a reaction are to: breathe and count to three (in your head) before stating your response, slow the speed of your voice slightly, be curious, and ask questions…open ended questions. These begin with who, what, where, when, why and how.
Next time you say something that didn’t land right, remember you can do a mulligan, a do over.
To find out more about this, you can check out my Bounce Forward book ( and to hear the interview, visit