Terms of Movement

Recently I was watching television and caught the tail end of a powerful statement. I wish I knew who to credit for his/her brilliance. The statement was "Settle the past. Engage the present and believe in the future."

WOW. What an insight. I flew out of my chair to find a pen. Throughout the evening I found myself reflecting on this statement and the power of the words which moved me to action. To bounce forward, that is to be resilient, you must be able to settle the past, be engaged in the present and have belief in the future. That doesn't however mean this is a simple task.

For many years in an earlier career I was a Correctional Officer, (yup, that's right! A Correctional Officer), and I remember thinking how many inmates, even some staff, were plagued by their past, struggling in their present and had no belief in their future. Years later as a mediator, I often mediated situations of family conflict, and the past always came up. Instead of being engaged in the present, many still had both fee in the past. Because of this, it was difficult for them to believe in the future. As a former mediator in workplace situations I saw this same challenge, people championing the problems of the past causing them to disengage and not be present.

Here are some simple tips to Settle the Past:

• Listen to your story. Everyone has stories of the past that come up in conversation. When you tell the story, are you "detached" from it, or do you find yourself with both feet back in the moment? A good way to tell is your emotional state when you tell the story. And, pay attention to these stories that run through your thoughts. The great news is that you can change your story.
• Decide to forgive. Look at the situations, disappointments and unresolved issues that are weighing up down. You may not be able to fix or resolve the past, it has already happened, but, you can forgive or resolve for the future. And, forgive yourself for mistakes you have made that you continue to self blame.
• Give up blaming. Blaming seems to increase the emotional state and can certainly damage relationships. Look at what is within your control to fix and what is not, and put your attention and action on what you can control.
• Reframe and change your language. Instead of saying "I regret not making things right with my supervisor" say "I look forward to righting situations and conflicts if they arise".

As you head into the weekend take some time to reflect on the "past" areas of your life. Put aside some time to work through listening, forgiving and not blaming. It will change your perspective and, come Monday morning, it could start changing your workplace as well.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Ghosts of the Past

It's unfortunate but everyone of us has probably experienced the "conversation of the past" in our workplace. This conversation is usually brought up more than once and revolves around a change that occurred well in the past. Perhaps you weren't even with the organization when this change occurred but there just seems to be a person that cannot stop bringing it up. They continue to bring up any issues they perceive resulted from that change and how those issues continue to make them unhappy. What do you do?

First, I would put some limits on how many times this conversation will be repeated. You can accomplish this through feedback, being very specific about what you have seen, heard and observed. Make note of the impact of these things and what you would like to see instead. The past can't be undone, however, one can make changes for the future.

Second, it might also be very important to query why these past issues continue to be raised and explore how the person can move beyond the issues. This would be important information for the person as well. Find out if there are any opportunities to provide coaching to the employee to help him/her move forward. You may also consider a referral to your EFAP benefit provider, if you have that support in your organization.

The two key elements to remember when trying to move through the past is to limit and explore. Limit the influence of the past on the present and explore options in helping the organization cope with changes and Bounce Forward!