Three seconds can be enough time to turn a confrontation into a
conversation! In my Bounce Forward book, and the presentations I lead on
Courageous Dialogue, the concept of turning a reaction to a response is an
essential skill set and mindset to conversational success.
Abraham Hicks says it so well:
“Even in your rightness about a subject, when you try to push your
rightness toward another who disagrees, no matter how right you are, it causes
more pushing against. In other words, it isn't until you stop pushing that any
real allowing of what you want can take place.”
Essentially, the more you push your opinions and your positions on
others, the more they push back. This
creates a sense of resistance or even power struggle in a conversation, and can
quickly turn it from conversational to confrontational.
There are a few approaches you can master the art of turning
reactions to responses:
·
Breathe!
·
Manage the chatter and internal dialogue racing through your mind.
The thoughts shape your words and your outcomes). Replace the negative thoughts
with natural or positive ones.
·
Ask questions- it is hard to be judgemental when you are being
curious.
·
Listen to the other person’s perspective and ask yourself “what is
he/she really saying?” Listen for common
ground.
·
Breathe some more!
As long as you are reacting, which comes from emotions, the
likelihood of having to do a mulligan (a do over) is quite high as when you
react, you are more likely to say, do or think things that you don’t mean. Responding is a more thought out and less
emotionally charged response. Next time you are in an emotional conversation,
try turning your reactions into a response and see the impact it has on you and
the other person.
