Assumptions Often Lead to Trouble

Avoiding assumptions in relationships and communication is powerful skill. Easier said than done though, but generally, the assumptions that we make about other people are wrong. Rather than making assumptions, check the information with the person. Ask questions rather than making assumptions. It will certainly improve the communication and not get in the way of the relationship.

When assumptions are not checked out, a person runs the risk of acting on the assumption and creating another challenge. Generally speaking, people know when you have made an assumption about them (just as we do when others have made assumptions about us). Since assumptions often shape our actions, it is helpful to ensure that an inaccurate assumption is not leading behavior.

Despite all our best efforts, conflicts can still happen. If you find yourself in a conflict a conversation needs to be had. Don't delay this process. Be sure to write out what you want to discuss and practice it first but, have the conversation as quickly as possible. Discussing conflict requires people to communicate courageously. Keep these essential skills for managing conflict effectively in mind while having the discussion:

· courageous dialogue

· listening

· paraphrasing

· questioning

· empathy

Avoiding assumptions can help you avoid conflict. Keep these tips in mind and keep bouncing forward!

A Rich Team

During one of my recent Teambuilding Training Programs, I had the opportunity to ask the attending executives to identify the qualities of a "rich team". Of course, this question refers to the relationships and interactions of the team, not to how much money they generate. The responses I received were very enlightening. Here is what they said:

• Cooperation
• Communication
• Initiative
• Respect
• Empathy
• Flexibility
• Unique (contributing as an individual with a separate and distinct personality)
• Loyalty
• Personable
• Honesty
• Trust
• Commitment
• Responsibility

This list identifies some of the most important qualities of a team. Many of these we expect to happen without work and effort and some we take for granted. As you build your team and lead them through the good times, and the not so good times.

The question is, how do you communicate with and engage all of your employees to build these qualities? A great place to start is by including your employees in decision making where possible and appropriate. Explain situations, parameters relevant to situations and decisions (e.g. funds), and specific details so employees can present well informed ideas that have potential for use. Keeping skill sets, personalities, and talents in mind, release some or parts of the control of projects and tasks to others. Sharing responsibility allows for a sense of involvement in the process. Provide support by monitoring and encouraging. Don't forget to be continually connecting employees to the business plan, the company mission and values. The key is to delegate not micromanage. This will extend trust and faith in employees while providing an alternative focus from challenges in the workplace for employees.

seek opportunities to build these qualities. Your efforts will pay off!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Yesterday was a wonderful day and tomorrow promises to be just as great. South Oceanside school invited Toby and I to present at their school. We arrived there yesterday to the applause and shouts of 500 kindergarten to grade 6 students.

Of course, they loved Toby and all the lessons he teaches us about kindness, friendship, patience and literacy. It took a little while to get him fully settled down. He seemed to want to say hello to each and every student personally but, that is our Toby. The students couldn't get enough of Toby PAWdographing his books. We love that South Oceanside has asked us to partner with them to fundraise for their library. Tomorrow we will be at the Oceanside Barns & Noble on Vista Way. The store will be donating a portion of the proceeds from the book sales to the school. How wonderful is that?! The students are very excited to come to the store and see some more PAWdographing and introduce their families to Toby.

I love doing these school presentations. It is always so inspiring to see the ambition of the younger generations. When I asked how many of the students at South Oceanside would like to write a book about 75% of them put up their hands. Then, to make the day even more wonderful, a little girl told us, "I love Toby. I want to do good stuff like he does for the world." Those moments make it all so worth while. I wonder what moments we are going to have tomorrow at the Barns & Noble fundraiser...

Success Opens Doors

Success can be a real door opener! Think for a moment about the different successes you or your business has experienced over the past year. What doors have been opened as a result of the success? What doors have you been more confident to open yourself because of the success?

Are you tracking and celebrating your successes? If not, start right now! Quickly, get a pen and paper and write down the answers to the above questions. When I facilitate team building and strategic planning sessions in businesses and organizations, one of the activities is about tracking successes; the team brainstorms the success and accomplishments over the previous year. This always proves to be a positive experience because often the small successes are never acknowledged, and this gives them a stage. Also, in teams it is common that successes are not known across the entire team so this becomes somewhat of an education. This activity also provides opportunity for team members to be acknowledged and to acknowledge one another's accomplishments.

As 2011 begins to wind down and you gear up for 2012, take some time to acknowledge and track (record) the successes and the doors that have been opened as a result of the accomplishments. This may well help you in the year to come.

Seeking Stability

What do you do when your organization experiences a lot of change, growth and restructuring? It can be so hard to build trust in an ever changing and seemingly unstable environment. Change can be difficult, and team members don't all deal or cope with change in the same way. One surefire way to build trust is to communicate effectively, clearly, frequently and then repeat this process (again and again). Communication can build trust, minimize rumors, and enhance relationships. Another trust building action is to follow up, mean what you say and say what you mean. Let people know what is NOT changing, that is, what is staying the same. Too often we focus on what is changing, what will be different, and by stating what is not changing, you will provide reassurance and stability.

Communication is a very important component to building stability in the workplace. But, just like any other form of interaction, it can also increase the instability if not practiced properly. We have to be careful what we speak and how we speak. Essentially, we have to look at communication as an art, the art of speaking. Be sure to write down key points of what you would like to communicate to your team and rehearse it. I always suggest rehearsing in front of a mirror. This gives you the opportunity to not only hear how you are delivering the message but also to see how you are delivering your message.

Remember, in any difficult situation, communication is always the key to building trust, stability and a more positive work environment.

Now You Tell Me!

I have often found myself thinking about my career. Where I started, the people I have met, where I am now, where I am going to. The one firm conclusion I have come to this; I sure with I knew then what I know now...especially about Teamwork.

I am very fortunate as a corporate trainer and professional speaker. The audiences are always diverse and I learn so much from them. Because I have so often contemplated my learning through my career, one of the discussions I facilitate in my training is the question, "what do you know now about teamwork that you wished you knew then?" Here are some of the brilliant answers I have received to this question that we can all learn from.

1. I am not an expert on everything like I sometimes think I am.
2. Everyone has a voice.
3. There is a fine difference between being aggressive and being assertive.
4. Learning how to manage differences in ethics is important.
5. To be comfortable without having all the answers.
6. Not to take things personally.
7. Choose your battles.
8. The older you get, the less you know.
9. What bugs us about other people provides us an opportunity to look at ourselves, they are just mirrors for us.
10. conflict only gets worse when you don't address or resolve it.
11. Clear expectations will solve a lot of problems.
12. Values and work ethics sometimes differ from your own.
13. To be curious and to ASK.
14. Not to be threatened by conflict.
15. It is actually respectful to give feedback.

I hope that there is some insight here for everyone who reads it. If you have your own answer, please don't hesitate to share. Our learning is never done and we have so much to learn from each other.

Please Don't Repeat That!

Have you ever had the opportunity to ask someone to pay really close attention to how you speak in conversations? Maybe it was to type out word for word a recorded conversation or presentation you made. You should because this is such a powerful learning opportunity.

Recently, I asked my Executive Concierge, Shannon Berry, type up a teleseminar recording for me...word for word. I was pleased to see it was not full of "ahs" or "ums" however, I was shocked to read the number of times I said "So" and "Now". These are filler words just like "ums", "ahs" and "well". They don't add anything to a conversation. In fact, they may actually detract from the conversation. Too many fillers can leave a speaker looking nervous, unprepared, even uncertain of the material they are presenting. Of course, this is not necessarily true but, it will most likely have the audience thinking these things.

Communication and presentation skills always require practicing and critiquing. It is interesting because it makes you aware of the filler words that add nothing but take up valuable space in a conversation. I encourage you, just for fun, and of course for learning, to tape record some of your conversations or presentations and see what you can discover about yourself. Make note of the words you hear yourself repeating, count how many times you say them. Ask yourself, does the repetition of this word add or take away from my message? Develop a plan, some way that you can be reminded when you start to repeat that word or even other words. We often tend to use substitutions instead of pure omissions when trying to change. Have a friend or assistant give you some sort of signal when you start to use words repetitively, whatever works best for you and your situation. Life is richer when you continually learn and grow.

Ghosts of the Past

It's unfortunate but everyone of us has probably experienced the "conversation of the past" in our workplace. This conversation is usually brought up more than once and revolves around a change that occurred well in the past. Perhaps you weren't even with the organization when this change occurred but there just seems to be a person that cannot stop bringing it up. They continue to bring up any issues they perceive resulted from that change and how those issues continue to make them unhappy. What do you do?

First, I would put some limits on how many times this conversation will be repeated. You can accomplish this through feedback, being very specific about what you have seen, heard and observed. Make note of the impact of these things and what you would like to see instead. The past can't be undone, however, one can make changes for the future.

Second, it might also be very important to query why these past issues continue to be raised and explore how the person can move beyond the issues. This would be important information for the person as well. Find out if there are any opportunities to provide coaching to the employee to help him/her move forward. You may also consider a referral to your EFAP benefit provider, if you have that support in your organization.

The two key elements to remember when trying to move through the past is to limit and explore. Limit the influence of the past on the present and explore options in helping the organization cope with changes and Bounce Forward!