Recently I was watching television and caught the tail end
of a powerful statement, I wish I knew who to credit for his/her brilliance.
The statement was “Settle the past. Engage the present and believe in the future.”
WOW. What an insight.
I flew out of my chair to find a pen.
Throughout the evening I found myself reflecting on this statement and the
power of the words which moved me to action. To bounce forward, that is to be
resilient, you must be able to settle the past, be engaged in the present and
have belief in the future. That doesn’t however mean this is a simple task.
For many years in an earlier career I was a Correctional
Officer (yup that’s right! A Correctional Officer), and I remember thinking how
many inmates (even some staff) were plagued by their past, struggling in their
present and had no belief in their future. Years later as a mediator, I often
mediated situations of family conflict, and the past always came up. Instead of
being engaged in the present, many were still both feet in the past. Because of
this, it was difficult for them to believe in the future. As a former mediator
in workplace situations I saw this same challenge, people championing the
problems of the past causing them to disengage and be present.
Here are some simple tips to Settle the Past:
- Listen
to your story. Everyone has stories of the past that come up in conversation.
When you tell the story, are you “detached” from it, or do you find yourself
with both feet back in the moment? A good way to tell is your emotional state
when you tell the story. And, pay attention to these stories that run through
your thoughts. The great news is that you can change your story.
- Decide
to forgive. Look at the situations, disappointments and unresolved issues that
are weighing you down. You may not be able to fix or resolve the past, it has
already happened, but, you can forgive or resolve for the future. And, forgive
yourself for mistakes you have made that you continue to self blame.
- Give
up blaming. Blaming seems to increase the emotional state and can certainly
damage relationships. Look at what is within your control to fix and what is
not, and put your attention and action on what you can control.
- Reframe
and change your language. Instead of saying “I regret not making things right
with my supervisor” say “I look forward to righting situations and conflicts if
they arise”.
What do you need to settle from the past to move forward?
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